Saturday, 01 Apr 2006

April Fools' Day edition:

Pretty in Green

Victoria's Secret launches new eco-friendly line

Building on the ample success of its popular line of "Pink" clothes and underwear -- excuse us, "unmentionables" -- Victoria's Secret has announced that it will soon bust out a similar line of "Green" apparel to raise awareness of environmental damage. Like its predecessor, the all-cotton line will offer products ranging from bras to bedding, and will target 18- to 22-year-olds. But will the enormous success of "Pink" -- which has found everyone from celebs to gym rats wearing the word on their posteriors (not that we've noticed) -- translate into earthy issues? Company spokesperson Karen LaChance thinks so. "It won't be long until you see 'Green' in all kinds of unexpected places," she predicts. "We're committed to doing whatever we possibly can to help this globe of ours." Heh heh. She said globe.

Global Warming by Any Other Name ...

High-powered marketing firm takes on global warming

After years of hearing complaints that the phrase "global warming" is ineffective in conveying the scope and severity of the danger, enviros may finally get a little help. High-end New York-based marketing firm Brandtronics announced yesterday that it has adopted the rebranding of global warming as a pro bono project. "This kind of thing would run in the millions for our corporate clients," said director Imogen Smythe, "but we recognize a real social need here." The firm says it's had a team working on the project for months now, and while the full product rollout won't happen until 2007, the company shared some of its thinking. Different demographics will be targeted differently: Terms like "xtreme weather" and "climApocalypse" have been considered for the Gen-Y demo, while the soccer-mom set can expect to hear a lot about "global property-value destruction." Said Smythe, "We're still trying to nail the NASCAR dads, but the storyboards so far are promising."

Soil It Green

Umbra on reusing disposable diapers

When it comes to being a green parent, one dilemma looms over all others: cloth or disposable? Do I waste energy washing diapers, or add to the world's landfills? Today, a reader suggests the perfect compromise: reusing disposables. Find out if advice maven Umbra Fisk squeals with glee or pooh-poohs the idea altogether.

She's No Lady, She's My Strife

Cantwell, Stevens argument over Arctic Refuge turns physical

Most of the time, the debate over drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge is as endless and dull as the landscape itself (oops, did we say that out loud?). But occasional moments of insanity make the whole thing worthwhile. There was February's effort to end ferry service between Alaska and Washington as punishment for the mainland's liberal evil-doings, for instance. And then there was ... this. Yesterday, during a subcommittee hearing, Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) and Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-Wash.) actually came to blows while arguing over the refuge's fate. Spokespeople for the two hurriedly dismissed the bout of fisticuffs by saying Cantwell was simply "helping Sen. Stevens with his tie," but witnesses say this was no sartorial squeeze. "I've never seen anything like it," said one congressional aide who witnessed the fracas. "This gives a whole new meaning to whipping the vote." Hey, he beat us to the punch.

Pulpit Friction

Evangelical leaders reject other evangelical leaders on climate change

Responding to a February statement by a group of evangelical leaders supporting strong action to fight climate change, a separate group of Christian leaders led by James Dobson and Pat Robertson yesterday issued what amounts to a repudiation. "The so-called Evangelical Climate Initiative is an insult to God and to family values," says the strongly worded statement. It contends that the eco-evangelicals "do not speak for Christians" and that the evangelical community should "turn its back on the unproven obsessions of those who would destroy America" and refocus on "issues of real importance: gay marriage, condoms in public schools, and violent video games." At a press conference releasing the statement, Robertson warned that if churchgoers joined scientists, city and state leaders, and European governments in fighting climate change, God would punish them with stronger storms, droughts, floods, and rising sea levels. "It won't be pretty," he warned. Uh ...

Great, Scott!

Wal-Mart CEO Lee Scott announces ban on PVC

We thought it was mind-boggling enough when Wal-Mart announced that it would sell organic clothes, build green stores, and phase out some petroleum-based packaging. But now CEO and eco-convert Lee Scott -- who we speculate is on some very powerful sort of pills -- has taken things a step further. Beginning in 2009, the mega-chain will no longer sell any item made of PVC. Yeah, we had the same reaction you're having: um, what exactly will be left? Seems Scott has instructed his suppliers to find alternative materials for everything from lawn furniture to shower curtains. "Are we, or are we not, the world's largest corporation?" Scott reportedly thundered at a recent employee rally. "If we say no PVC, then we'll find a way." Experts estimate the gigantarific retailer's withdrawal from the PVC market could have a global economic impact in the neighborhood of $15 billion a year.

Gotcha!

Grist staff fools unsuspecting readers

Happy April Fools Day!