When people ask me what my kids want I always try and steer them towards books or consumables (markers, playdough, art kits)  And I try and only give those gifts as well.  If a child is a collector of something we will also give that.

In my group of friends some have done a book swap party and asked everyone to bring a book.  I also think it is fine to have a conversation with other parents and say "I don't want any more things with multiple pieces etc"  I think many people can relate!

For my family (my kids are the only kids in my family as well) I ask that they either go in on a membership to a children's musuem or the zoo (or the Art Musuem)  If you family lives close, I would also suggest that they might want to start up a tradition, say lunch at a special place and a trip to the movies, or even to a book store.  If family isn't local and really wants to buy a toy then I would suggest everyone going in on 1 really meaningful gift, even if it is a toy.  Magic Cabin has really lovely dolls and toy tree houses etc.  

My son, who is now 8, has had present-free birthday parties with friends for the past four years.  He gets lots of presents from grandparents and other family (who usually do check with me for gift ideas), so it is not like he is being deprived.  We just want to cut down on the amount of stuff coming into our house and also keep the focus of the parties on having fun with friends, not on "getting".  

On the invitations to the party we just put, "No presents except your presence."  Depending on the theme, we have sometimes suggested something for the participants to bring.  For example, one year we had a swim party at our local pool and suggested that each child bring a drawing of their favorite sea animal.  The kids had fun sharing what they had made, and afterwards I bound them into a book for my son to keep to remind him of everyone who was there.

I for one welcome our new Birthday Overlords.

My children are older but a few years ago, we started giving the kids a Gift Card instead of a bunch of wrapped presents. For my oldest son, he usually accumulates this along with other money for one big thing he wants. One year it was a Nintendo DS. Right now, he is saving money for a Nintendo Wii. My daughter, the youngest, uses her money to usually buy clothes but we have to donate her old stuff to the domestic violence shelter. The only one we have problems with is our middle child. He is autistic and really doesn't understand the concept of a gift card opposed to say a new Bionicles set (Legos for those without children).

We also take the kids out to dinner at the restaurant of their choice (no fast food though) and purchase them ice cream afterwards.

As far as dealing with stuff, we cycle through things and give their clothes and toys to charity at Yule time. However it can still be hard to manage things.

I put the kibosh on (most) unwanted gifts early by asserting my right to decide what does or does not stay in my house. Now that my family knows that I ruthlessly regift and donate unwanted items, they either abide by my request that they not give us things (which is hardly spending other people'e money) or they stick with things they know we will use instead of buying whatever random crap strikes their fancy.

Plus, most people ask what kind of gifts they should bring (my boyfriend's family demands very specific lists). It's not rude to answer.

I'm grown & kidless, but how can I tell my inlaws delicately about the gift issue? I'm so sick of "random crap" for my b-day & holidays, but they're nice & generous people so I don't know what to do!

As for kids, I disagree w/Umbra on this one, but since I have none, that's easy for me to do. Agree w/kbrewer above & Miss Manners needs to step into the 21st century--she probably has stock in Mattell.

How about a China-free birthday theme :)

My 12-year-old wanted to do something simpler, so asked her friends to only bring gifts that they didn't spend money on.  They had such a good time opening the gifts together -- compilations of favorite jokes, poems written by guests, handmade jewelry (a great way to use up all those craft kits filling the closet), lists of recommended books (to check out from the library, of course), favorite recipes, packets of garden seeds.  She felt especially loved, because the gifts represented time and thought, and the guests had their creativity appreciated.  Now, I don't know if my 10-year-old son would groove on the idea, but it worked for her!

I've always been partial to the wildlife adoption programs with groups like Defenders of Wildlife and Earth Island Institute. Great way to teach kids about endangered species.  Farm animal advocacy groups like Farm Sanctuary also do adoptions for their cows, pigs, lambs, goats and chickens, most of which have been rescued from factory farms or are discarded pets. I adopted a chicken for my dad a few years ago.  I think kids would love it, especially if you live near the sanctuary and can go visit the animal.

A great alternative to "stuff" as presents is "experiences."  Give tickets to the aquarium, or to a concert (an inexpensive one, anyway).  If you are someone the child is close to (particularly a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousins, etc) you could give "gift certificates" for things they get to do with you -- "a trip to the beach with Aunt Patty."

One thing we've done is give kids "cookies in a jar," where all the dry ingredients for a cookie recipe (flour, sugar, chocolate chips, etc) are layered in a jar, with the recipe attached. You could also give a basket with everything needed to bake your own bread, or something similar.

One of our kids' birthdays is around Halloween, so we always have a Halloween themed party, in which we give each kid who attends a UNICEF box to take trick or treating.

Kids have as much fun with experiences as they do with things -- so think broadly -- what can you "give" a birthday kid that's not a plastic lead-tainted throwaway but that they will have fun with and (gasp!) maybe even learn something?

Finally, we're big fans of magazine subscriptions, mostly for older kids -- one good option is Kids Discover, which focuses on a different science or nature theme in each issue. Steer clear of National Geographic for Kids, however, as it's LOADED with ads for plastic toy crap and horrible junk food. (Shame on the National Geographic Society!)

No one has to give a birthday present when invited to a birthday. In trying to dictate to people what to give or not give you are operating under the assumption that everyone is going to give you a present. Not that you can't make suggestions about what to give if someone should ask.

The easiest way to stop your 1-6 or 7 year old from getting a bunch of stuff you don't want them to have is to not have a birthday part for 20-30 kids and all of your relatives. The rule of thumb is number of kids per year in age. Even at 7 invitees it's still intimate enough that there probably will be discussion from the invitees about presents and you can make your wishes known.

Huge birthday parties for kids so young aren't for the kids but for the parents.

I agree with Ms Mannsers and latenac on this one -- you cannot dictate presents and still err on the side of good manners.

We just had a 7th birthday party for our son and asked for no presents, but suggested a donation to WorldVision in lieu of for anyone who felt the need to give.

We talked over the 'no presents' with our son, who at first was tearful: as we read him the gift giving catalog and explained to him the situations of other children in the world who had little food, clothing, and clean water, his attitude quickly changed. He desperately wanted to help children in Bosnia afford new limbs, to send water bottles to Asian kids, and to adopt a sibling from Africa.

Our party guests donated a total of $125 to the charity, and our son selected the 'shares' of gifts they went towards. Most of the parents admitted they, too, wanted to go present-free, and said they sometimes simply bring gifts right to the toy store for a refund and the child never knew the difference...

Our son still received presents -- from his immediate family -- but what is more important, he learned to better appreciate what he already has, as he started to understand how fortunate he truly is compared to other children worldwide. This is a lesson that I hope we reminded a few grown-ups of on his birthday...