Selecting Dion

Environmental advocate elected leader of Canada's Liberal Party

We bring you news from a faraway land called "Canada" (pronounced Can-uh-duh). Reports translated from Canadian reveal that the country's out-of-power Liberal Party has elected as its new leader the greener-than-green Stephane Dion, an academic-turned-politician who served most recently as Canada's Environment Minister. Dion's victory was what hockey fans call a "stunning upset," leaving several more favored opponents seething inside but, you know, smiling politely. In his campaign, Dion promised to unite the "three pillars" of environment, social justice, and economy into a cohesive focus on sustainable development. Also, he loves the Kyoto treaty so much he named his dog after it. Speaking of dogs, conservative Canadian PM Stephen Harper is expected to be put down in the coming federal election. Dion's only likely impediment on the road to victory is in Quebec, where he's made foes of the province's fervent separatists. Good luck, Other Canadian Dion. May your heart go on and on.