Thou Shalt Not Passage

Canada, U.S. debate shipping rights in legendary Northwest Passage

Remember when we said Canadians were needy? Well, get a load of this: they want to maintain control over shipping rights in the legendary Northwest Passage, just because they own it. The nerve! With climate change melting Arctic ice, the Atlantic-to-Pacific byway -- long traveled seasonally by ice-breakers and stealthily by submarines -- is becoming more accessible. And the U.S. is reheating an old rivalry with its neighbor, arguing that ships should be allowed to pass without restrictions, as is the case in other international straits. Canadian officials have quietly pointed out that monitoring ships is the best way to avoid spills and other dangers, and former U.S. ambassador to Canada Paul Cellucci even tried to support that position by playing the homeland security card. But his successor, David Wilkins, reiterated the U.S. stance in response. Folks, it looks like there's only one way to resolve this: Operation Canadian Freedom. (Canada, we kid on all fronts. You know we love you.)