Saturday, 01 Apr 2000

April Fools' Day edition:

Albu-Quirky

In an unusual twist, a coalition of New Mexico environmental groups has given its backing to a massive shopping development to be built in the sprawling suburbs of Albuquerque. The enviros said the particular piece of land being considered has no real ecological value, so developers might as well build there rather than on a more sensitive parcel. "It's just a bunch of scrub brush," said Francisco Lorp of the New Mexico Wildlife Federation. Most ecologists agree that the land in question is definitely not a hot spot for biodiversity. Jeanette Sphagnum of the Center for Biological Diversity: "All the species on this land can be found in at least two or three other places, so I don't see a real problem." Developers, grateful for the support, are considering naming the shopping complex "Muir Valley."

Poll Bearers

A new bipartisan survey shows that voter concern for the environment is at an all-time high. A surprising 4 percent of registered voters polled by Public Opinion Strategies rated the environment as "a possible concern" when choosing a presidential candidate, up from 2.5 percent just four years ago. Apparently, the only issues that out-polled the fate of the planet were the economy, crime, education, oil prices, health care, welfare reform, abortion, flag burning, campaign finance reform, motorcycle helmet laws, dairy subsidies, and sea-floor minerals mining. Both major presidential candidates have responded to the sudden surge in voter interest in green issues: Al Gore has taken to touting the ecological benefits of the Internet, while George W. Bush has begun to trumpet his environmental accomplishments in the state of Texas. "When you own property, every day is Earth Day," Bush declared at a recent fundraiser organized by oil and gas industry executives.

Yeah, But How Many Cup Holders Does It Have?

Ford Motor Co. announced yesterday that it will begin manufacturing a high-tech, hybrid gas-electric SUV, to be dubbed the Mastodon, starting this fall. Industry analysts said that Ford's move is an attempt to capitalize on surging public demand for more fuel-efficient vehicles, and to keep up with other auto manufacturers, such as Toyota and Honda, which have already entered the gas-electric hybrid market. The super-efficient Mastodon will get 19 miles to the gallon, almost double the fuel efficiency of similar SUVs in its class. Enviros praised Ford's announcement, saying that SUVs like the Mastodon will help improve the efficiency of the U.S. automotive fleet and curb climate change.

A Swiftly Tilting Planet

Global warming may have a new foe: the aerospace industry. According to recent calculations from NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, rapid melting of the Antarctic ice caps may skew the earth's rotation by a few thousandths of a degree -- not enough to cause earthquakes or other geophysical effects, but more than enough to scramble the world's network of communications satellites. Particularly hard-hit will be the Global Positioning Satellite system, which allows users to identify their locations to within a few meters; the orbital shift could cause these satellites to be off by as much as a third of a kilometer. More than a quarter of all communications satellites could be rendered useless, and virtually all will have to be reprogrammed. "This is a major problem for the satellite industry," said Raytheon spokesperson Marjorie Scrodhurst, "and it may be every bit as troublesome as the Y2K bug."

Traitoring Places

The Global Climate Coalition, which made its reputation fighting against the Kyoto climate change treaty, has suffered through a rash of resignations by virtually all of its influential corporate members, including Texaco, DaimlerChrysler, and, most recently, General Motors. Now, desperate for new funding and leadership, the coalition may be nearing an agreement with a wealthy pro-environmental benefactor, who hopes to pay the GCC staff to reverse its position on global warming and lobby in support of the Kyoto accord. In an exclusive interview in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the benefactor said the environmental cause could benefit from having experienced "hired guns" with access to the corridors of power. When informed of the possibility of working on the same side as the GCC, enviros expressed concern that their reputations could be tarnished.

S'Pam

Pamela Anderson Lee announced yesterday that she will be joining Leonardo DiCaprio as cohost of the EarthFair 2000 event on the Washington Mall, to be held this Earth Day, April 22. Lee sees this as a natural outgrowth of a lifelong passion for the environment: "I've always been into animals and, like, plants and stuff," she said yesterday through a publicist. Lee's inclusion in the festivities is seen by many in the environmental community as a bid to increase the drawing power of the Earth Day event among younger people, particularly young white males, who many believe to be the root cause of most environmental problems. Dan Veiss of the Sierra Club: "If we can get them early, and convince them that, hey, even Pammy likes the planet, maybe we can keep them from blowing stuff up and making a mess of everything, like their dads did."

Gotcha!

This edition of Daily Grist is a joke. Happy April Fools' Day!