ecoswift’s Recent Comments

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  A modest proposal ...

  ...For Preventing the Oil Sands from being a Burden to the Country, and For Making Albertans' Behaviour More Widely Acceptable

  It is a melancholy sight to see Albertans maintain a stubborn belief in the correctness of the concept of Barrels per Day while shocking stories of the oil sands perplex their fellow citizens elsewhere.

  This impedes Albertans' ability to go off to work with a Clear Conscience to produce gasoline and energy for our cars, homes, and Neighbours to the South, and to thereby generate Profits, Jobs and Taxes.

  Across the land, no one can be truly happy about circumstances like these.

  Albertans point to their environmental programs, wind power developments and emissions reductions, but deceive only those paying attention.  In fact, at least as troubling and philosophically burdensome as oil production is to diligent organizations such as the Sierra Club is the knowledge that a sizeable number of Albertans espy a dark seam of convenient dishonesty in "The Inconvenient Truth", and by and large feel Conservative in their politics.

  Of course, this surprises no one.  Albertans are well-known both for their Barbaric Behaviour and Rampant Paranoia; often frightening their children with bedtime tales of the National Energy Program and other capers in faraway Ottawa.

  What is to be done?  As he or she labours to bring conformity of opinion to Society, even the most saintly ecologist despairs of Albertans' salvation.  Those respected arbiters of the public good make it very clear that Albertans daily commit the sin of Climate Change.  About this, not a single shred of doubt can be found.  Stated most simply: as well as offend those provinces that lack an oil sands bonanza, these oil barons are now going to destroy the world, damning the rest of us to Perdition along with them.

  I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of Miscreants, is, in the present deplorable state of the Land, a very great Additional Grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making Albertans sound, useful members of the Commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the Nation.

  I accordingly make this modest proposal.  The viability of my proposed scheme is much reinforced by the very nature of the climate change conflict; a struggle which pits the faith of believers against that of non-believers: an essentially religious construct.  Fortuitously, the oil sands industry is on hand to contribute the appropriate whiff of sulphur.

  Almost 300 years ago, Mr. Swift modestly proposed roasting and eating children of the Irish poor.  A similar kind of remedy was considered with regard to today's Albertans, but rejected due to the generally unappetizing nature of those hardy Westerners.  But coming at the problem from the perspective of religious conflict has borne fruit.

  Fortunately for Canadians, excellent models of demonstrated effectiveness from other religious conflicts exist now and in history; systems abounding with Clear Rules and Swift Punishments.  In fact, one need look no further than another oil-rich Nation - Saudi Arabia - for a most competent deployment on its cities' streets of an organization known as The Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice.

  These stalwarts arrest unrelated males and females caught socializing, enforce store closures during prayer time, dietary laws and dress codes, prohibit the consumption or sale of alcoholic beverages, and prevent the practice or proselytizing of other religions within The Kingdom.  I suggest to you that in comparison to the laws that might be passed by the David Suzuki Foundation, the strictures of Sharia law might seem squeamish indeed.

  And historically, each of the Roman Catholic Church's Inquisition in Spain, the Puritans of the American colonies and, more recently, the Taliban of Afghanistan, have been more than up to the task of putting together Robust Guidelines for the behaviour of their Flocks, complemented by impressively effective enforcements including, but not restricted to burning at the stake, shooting, stoning, and ritual disembowelment.  To be sure, even the fairest application of laudable methodologies like these may inadvertently fracture a few innocent skulls and amputate a few blameless hands, but omelets are seldom made without there being a few eggs broken.  A certain degree of conviction is all that is needed.

  And I think the necessary conviction is available.  Not to put environmentalists on a pedestal, but I believe few citizens could be found who would disagree that the righteous certainty of the average Greenpeace zealot measures up well to that of Torquemada or Mullah Omar; and in fact be even more affronted by those who stray from the true path.  After all, Torquemada or Mullah Omar had only mere sinners to reform.

  I likewise have no trouble whatsoever imagining the Liberal's Stephane Dion or the NDP's Jack Layton dutifully laying into Albertan backs with the flog, if warranted by virtue's propagation or the chance of a photo op with Al Gore.  Luckily, predisposed as they are to solving the problems of the world on Alberta's back, it seems sure that for these Gentlemen and their congregations the step would not be a large one.

  Therefore, it is clear to the meanest imagination that no great difficulty stands in the way of immediately setting down a minimum of Ten Commandments for Albertans' behaviour, together with punishments of sufficient persuasiveness.

  Most Albertans will eagerly embrace these codes of behaviour for the new clarity brought to the Rights and Wrongs of non-renewable resource development and Sport Utility Vehicle ownership.  Too, laws such as these may well lead to the sweet and significant joy that would flow from living in a society free of the temptations of Hydrocarbon production and use.  And given the considerable extra time for leisurely contemplation gained as we walked or bicycled about our business, or rested by our modest huts after an active day in the fields, we could dream of a future day when the human species has withered away entirely, allowing the Earth to revert to a new Eden; a garden as it was in the time not only before Albertans, but before even Adam and Eve.

  Until that halcyon moment, to some it may seem artful or clever to fling names such as Luddite or neo-puritan at our hard-working ecoevangelists, but cruel labels like these are grossly unfair - for when on the side of the angels, the Cause is all the justification any religion has ever needed to stop mollycoddling unbelievers, or infidel Albertans as the case may be, and take decisive action.

  :)On Tar sands are the enemy of the planet posted 2 years, 1 month ago 5 Responses

• Click here to view comment in original post

  A modest proposal ...

  ...For Preventing the Oil Sands from being a Burden to the Country, and For Making Albertans' Behaviour More Widely Acceptable

  It is a melancholy sight to see Albertans maintain a stubborn belief in the correctness of the concept of Barrels per Day while shocking stories of the oil sands perplex their fellow citizens elsewhere.

  This impedes Albertans' ability to go off to work with a Clear Conscience to produce gasoline and energy for our cars, homes, and Neighbours to the South, and to thereby generate Profits, Jobs and Taxes.

  Across the land, no one can be truly happy about circumstances like these.

  Albertans point to their environmental programs, wind power developments and emissions reductions, but deceive only those paying attention.  In fact, at least as troubling and philosophically burdensome as oil production is to diligent organizations such as the Sierra Club is the knowledge that a sizeable number of Albertans espy a dark seam of convenient dishonesty in "The Inconvenient Truth", and by and large feel Conservative in their politics.

  Of course, this surprises no one.  Albertans are well-known both for their Barbaric Behaviour and Rampant Paranoia; often frightening their children with bedtime tales of the National Energy Program and other capers in faraway Ottawa.

  What is to be done?  As he or she labours to bring conformity of opinion to Society, even the most saintly ecologist despairs of Albertans' salvation.  Those respected arbiters of the public good make it very clear that Albertans daily commit the sin of Climate Change.  About this, not a single shred of doubt can be found.  Stated most simply: as well as offend those provinces that lack an oil sands bonanza, these oil barons are now going to destroy the world, damning the rest of us to Perdition along with them.

  I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of Miscreants, is, in the present deplorable state of the Land, a very great Additional Grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making Albertans sound, useful members of the Commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the Nation.

  I accordingly make this modest proposal.  The viability of my proposed scheme is much reinforced by the very nature of the climate change conflict; a struggle which pits the faith of believers against that of non-believers: an essentially religious construct.  Fortuitously, the oil sands industry is on hand to contribute the appropriate whiff of sulphur.

  Almost 300 years ago, Mr. Swift modestly proposed roasting and eating children of the Irish poor.  A similar kind of remedy was considered with regard to today's Albertans, but rejected due to the generally unappetizing nature of those hardy Westerners.  But coming at the problem from the perspective of religious conflict has borne fruit.

  Fortunately for Canadians, excellent models of demonstrated effectiveness from other religious conflicts exist now and in history; systems abounding with Clear Rules and Swift Punishments.  In fact, one need look no further than another oil-rich Nation - Saudi Arabia - for a most competent deployment on its cities' streets of an organization known as The Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice.

  These stalwarts arrest unrelated males and females caught socializing, enforce store closures during prayer time, dietary laws and dress codes, prohibit the consumption or sale of alcoholic beverages, and prevent the practice or proselytizing of other religions within The Kingdom.  I suggest to you that in comparison to the laws that might be passed by the David Suzuki Foundation, the strictures of Sharia law might seem squeamish indeed.

  And historically, each of the Roman Catholic Church's Inquisition in Spain, the Puritans of the American colonies and, more recently, the Taliban of Afghanistan, have been more than up to the task of putting together Robust Guidelines for the behaviour of their Flocks, complemented by impressively effective enforcements including, but not restricted to burning at the stake, shooting, stoning, and ritual disembowelment.  To be sure, even the fairest application of laudable methodologies like these may inadvertently fracture a few innocent skulls and amputate a few blameless hands, but omelets are seldom made without there being a few eggs broken.  A certain degree of conviction is all that is needed.

  And I think the necessary conviction is available.  Not to put environmentalists on a pedestal, but I believe few citizens could be found who would disagree that the righteous certainty of the average Greenpeace zealot measures up well to that of Torquemada or Mullah Omar; and in fact be even more affronted by those who stray from the true path.  After all, Torquemada or Mullah Omar had only mere sinners to reform.

  I likewise have no trouble whatsoever imagining the Liberal's Stephane Dion or the NDP's Jack Layton dutifully laying into Albertan backs with the flog, if warranted by virtue's propagation or the chance of a photo op with Al Gore.  Luckily, predisposed as they are to solving the problems of the world on Alberta's back, it seems sure that for these Gentlemen and their congregations the step would not be a large one.

  Therefore, it is clear to the meanest imagination that no great difficulty stands in the way of immediately setting down a minimum of Ten Commandments for Albertans' behaviour, together with punishments of sufficient persuasiveness.

  Most Albertans will eagerly embrace these codes of behaviour for the new clarity brought to the Rights and Wrongs of non-renewable resource development and Sport Utility Vehicle ownership.  Too, laws such as these may well lead to the sweet and significant joy that would flow from living in a society free of the temptations of Hydrocarbon production and use.  And given the considerable extra time for leisurely contemplation gained as we walked or bicycled about our business, or rested by our modest huts after an active day in the fields, we could dream of a future day when the human species has withered away entirely, allowing the Earth to revert to a new Eden; a garden as it was in the time not only before Albertans, but before even Adam and Eve.

  Until that halcyon moment, to some it may seem artful or clever to fling names such as Luddite or neo-puritan at our hard-working ecoevangelists, but cruel labels like these are grossly unfair - for when on the side of the angels, the Cause is all the justification any religion has ever needed to stop mollycoddling unbelievers, or infidel Albertans as the case may be, and take decisive action.

  :)On Umbra on reusing bath water posted 2 years, 1 month ago 7 Responses