From Hova to Happy Meals

H to the two oh

Shawn Carter Jigga Hova Jay-Z's got 99 problems, and clean water is one. "Every 15 seconds a child dies from not having access to clean water," said the hip-hop mogul, who has teamed up with the U.N. and MTV to raise awareness about the world's water crisis. "I want people to know that while they're having their Poland Spring at Cipriani."

Rock unsteady

Tourists -- up to 800 a day -- are flocking to a remote hostel in the Swiss Alps to gawk at a rock the size of two Empire State Buildings that may soon fall into a canyon below. The glacier holding it up is retreating, see. If there's any justice, when it happens, everyone will cry in unison, "Riii-co-laaa!" Except there isn't any justice, or the damn glacier wouldn't be melting.

At last, greens can be shallow too

We've been sneaking around reading The Superficial, Gawker, and Go Fug Yourself at work, yearning for a celeb gossip site we could leave on our screens when our boss walked past. At last: Ecorazzi. It needs to lose the ass-kissy earnestness and up the snark, but hey, it's a start.

Earth warm. Beer cold.

Put down that wheatgrass chai shake and grab a brewski! Actual scientific researchers with Ph.D.s and white coats and bunsen burners and everything have confirmed what we've suspected for years -- drinking beer is good for the planet. Now can they investigate nachos and bad TV?

Paging a Mr. Marcuse

We lack the rhetorical powers to describe just how ... perfect it is that McDonald's is shilling for GM Hummers, even including toy Hummers in their Happy Meals. It's like late-stage capitalism, conspicuous U.S. consumerism, ecological myopia ... all of it, tied up in a greasy, salty super-sized bow. One can only marvel.