John Hoskinson, Surfrider Foundation

John Hoskinson is the communications director for the Surfrider Foundation.

I think I'm going to open up to you people out there today. I feel like I've gotten to know you both very well (I'm assuming there are about two of you who actually slog through these diary entries every day) and I want to share a dirty little secret with you. Ready? Okay, here it goes ... I have never surfed in my life.

That's right, I work for the Surfrider Foundation and I DON'T SURF! Please keep this under your hemp hat, my enviro friend, because nobody here knows this dirty little secret. I have managed to work here for almost three years without blowing my cover and I don't want to jeopardize it now.

How do I do it? It's actually pretty easy. First, I pepper my conversation with the occasional "bro," "it's all good," and "mahalo." Second, I feign great interest -- or at least muffle my yawn -- when someone tells one of his or her "favorite wave" stories. Lastly, when the conversation turns to Big Wednesday, I try really hard not to obviously wet my pants from laughter when coworkers assert that it's a cinematic masterpiece. As you might guess, this last one is by far the hardest and I've had to resort to wearing Depends undergarments on a regular basis.

I know what you're thinking: "Yeah, but doesn't anybody wonder why you never go surfing with them?"

I've got that covered, too. I've developed a sarcastic personality so grating and annoying that nobody would ever want to go surfing with me.

The benefits of my little charade are many. Let me give you one example. Let's say I know that this afternoon there's a rerun of a classic CHIPs episode (like the famous "Malloch Must Die" episode in which Donnie Most plays a KISS-like rock star). I obviously need to leave work to see this, but I know that my boss might not understand why. So I go in his office and convince him that I need to go surfing.

"Excuse me, Chris ... umm, I mean 'bro' ... uh, I hear that Trestles is, umm ... 'going off' and I thought perhaps it wouldn't displease you if I went surfing for an hour or so? If not, then that's fine ... umm, I mean 'no worries'... uh, 'dude,' because ... uh, you know ... 'it's all good.' Uh, mahalo."