We Are the Chumpions

When it comes to green products, who’s zoomin’ who? 14

"I don't trust 'natural.' People are always dying of natural causes."
-- Woman looking at food labels, in a Richard Guindon cartoon

Roll playing games?

Photo: Laura Cacho.

Shoppers of the world, I have just one question: Are you an eco-chump?

Lots of us try to shop green. We buy unbleached paper towels and recycled products, some with more than 5 percent post-consumer content. Commend McDonald's for banning Styrofoam, and shun them for lying about beef fat in the fries. Save our paychecks because we suffer from Prius envy. Wouldn't be caught dead at Wal-Mart because, well, it's Wal-Mart.

But a green consumer is still a consumer, and the evil marketing geniuses who run the world know this. They prey on our longings: love your mother, do well by doing good, live simply that others may simply live ... They put symbols of renewal on plastic packaging. They market products with terms the FDA has yet to define. They overcharge, because they know eco-chumps pay more, eagerly, if it helps us feel a reverent connection with all things.

I know just when I started to feel like one of Barnum's one-a-minutes. Years ago, our bathroom sink started draining slowly, and my wife ordered some eco-friendly drain cleaner from a catalog. What showed up looked like it belonged less in the pipes than in the hamster cage. Earnestly we read and followed the instructions, which directed us to dump this mish-mash of twigs and dirt down the drain and wait for its magical, bio-logical cleaning action to take place.

Patience has never been my long suit. After half an hour of watching the water refuse to drain from our little Zen bog, I grabbed a wrench and removed the J-trap, now clogged with enough humus to cover the floor of an ancient bonsai forest. Then I dumped the whole mess in the compost bin. The incantation I muttered lacked reverence.

Look, we're all vulnerable. The armies of progressive shoppers mulling which species they should unendanger this week by overpaying for cereal ("What'll it be, kids: Gorilla Munch or Cheetah Chomps?") are motivated by a noble impulse, and it's not one I mean to discourage. All I'm promoting is a bit of viridis caveat emptor (with apologies to the Latin professor I never had): green buyer, beware.

So good, and so good for your planet.

Photo: Laura Cacho.

Because if you've ever paid $8 for toilet-bowl cleaner, you might be an eco-chump.

If you pay extra for coffee beans that grew in the shade of trees providing endangered-species habitat, you might be an eco-chump.

If you wear clothing made from hemp -- or from wool shed by carefree Andean llamas and gathered between 9 and 5 by indigenous folk in native garb who have dental coverage, get regular breaks, and harvest earth's bounty using customs learned from their ancestors -- you might be an eco-chump.

What to do? It's been said that you have to work within the system to effectively change it. Of course, it's also been said that doing so makes you a sellout, man. And this conflict gets to the heart of the issue.

Take a long-standing addiction of mine: Nacho Cheese Doritos®. Normally I avoid artificial flavors and colors (especially public carcinogenemy No. 1, Yellow #5) with an obsession verging on the pathological, but Doritos are a weak spot. Now the green-marketing wizards have saved me from myself: enter Natural White Nacho Cheese Doritos.

In test markets, these organic white-corn spin-offs are flying off the shelves. People are snapping them up, and no wonder; read the back copy, targeted toward chumpish you and me: "You want to bring home the best for yourself and your family. That's why your favorite Frito-Lay brands are going natural." The term "natural" appears on the bag in some form, including inch-high capital letters, no fewer than eight times. That term remains undefined by the FDA ... naturally.

I'd guess Frito-Lay, headquartered in Texas and an arm of the gigantic multinational conglomerate PepsiCo, is a big donor to, shall we say, unsympathetic causes. Yet the company wants to reach across the grocery aisle into blue-state food co-ops, riffling through hemp wallets in search of the almighty dollar.

If I buy these chips, am I chumping at the bit, or changing the world? While companies like this pick our pockets, can we change their ways? Think about it: a billion-dollar Texas corporation is considering, however cynically, doing business differently. It's up to us to ensure capitalist exploitation goes both directions.

If we create demand for consumer goods that champion our goals, we start the corporate world on the long journey toward sustainability. Encouraging them to take this path can make us -- dare I say it -- eco-champs.

After all, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single chip.

Bill Penrose, a freelance writer based in Seattle, owns several canvas grocery bags but no Prius, and likes to think he’s a Taoist.

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  1. Japhet Posted 6:27 am
    21 Jul 2005

    I am a ChumpI have for years been buying, blindly that is, all of the eco friendly food, cleaners, deodorant (which my bestest pals from college will tell you doesn't really work--its kind of like sticking a bar of soap under each arm) and snacks that I could find. I have since "learned some lessons" and now have narrowed my purchasing habits to a select few of brands.  This is not to say that I am ready and willing to be "chumpified" as is so if anyone out there has any good dirt on the following "organic" companies please holla now.
    Seventh Generation -- based in VT (my home state) so I eagerly support their work. Their stuff does actually work but am skeptical of their ingriedients.
    Garden of Eatin' -- just heard that Kraft or someone bought them out and are no longer on their own.
    Patagonia -- no question marks with this company. Right?
    Puma -- found out they belong to a signifcant group of corporations who formed a fair-trade coalition (after the Nike sweatshop explosion).
    For a really interesting breakdown of organic food companies and who owns who checkout:

    http://www.certifiedorganic.bc.ca/rcbtoa/services/corporate-ownership.html

     

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  2. Bobbi Katsanis Posted 6:53 am
    21 Jul 2005

    I am not a chump anymore. I don't think.For cleaning products, as our dear Umbra has indicated, if you've got a gallon jug of white vinegar and a 4-pound box of baking soda, you can clean anything. You can also open a drain: one cup baking soda, followed by one cup vinegar (bubbles! woo-hoo!) followed by boiling water. For more cleaning recipes, look for Epstein & Klein's Substituting Ingredients (The Globe Pequot Press). May be out of print; buy used!
    For food, buy local buy local buy local. Learn to cook. Better yet, learn to garden. Learn to love your farmer's market. If organic food travels more than 25 miles from cropland to table, the transportation pollution outweighs the pesticide pollution on conventionally grown.
    You can also make your own cosmetics with locally grown inexpensive ingredients (people who buy $10 organic herbal shampoo are REALLY chumps--it's mostly water, which the shampoo companies are allowed to count as an "organic" ingredient). Recipes in Jeanne Rose's Herbal Body Book.
    We CAN be enviros without being chumps. Si se puede!

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  3. lisab Posted 7:47 am
    21 Jul 2005

    Eco chump? Huh?You write:

    If you pay extra for coffee beans that grew in the shade of trees providing endangered-species habitat, you might be an eco-chump.
    Umm... make fun if you want, but I think if more people were buying stuff like organic, shade grown coffee, the world would be a better place.  
    If you don't agree, why the heck are you writing for Grist?

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  4. perifrog Posted 9:01 am
    21 Jul 2005

    I am unclearPerhaps Lisa B is confused by the humor like I was.  My reading comprehension is not superb, but I think Penrose was suggesting that as ridiculous as some of the prices and gimmicks to sell eco wares are... In our capitalist society, when we act as ecochumps we may actually be acting as ecochamps because we're rewarding them by giving them our bucks and it may encourage them to make even more eco friendly products.  
    I find this a very interesting article.  I'm a penny-pincher, and unfortunately I often let economics win over the environment.  I've been reading a interesting book, though somewhat dated, called Ecopsychology.  The articles by Alan Durning, Allen Kanner, and Mary Gomes discuss consumerism in general and what role capitilism and psychology behind the advertising have played with our outrageous consumerism.  Patagonias pants are super cool and organic and all, but wouldn't that pair of pants in the thrift store serve just as well, is sort of their point.  As a new homeowner, this is all very interesting to me...with the amount of shopping I've been doing.  Maybe I should be saving my money from all the knick nacks for new appliances.  Ironically, I shop at Food Lion because its on the way home and wastes less gas, but all the organic produce (whether local or not) is wrapped in styrofoam and plastic because wouldn't it be terrible for it to come in contact with a chemical.  I'm not preaching, just sharing thoughts, my eco soul has a long way to go, but I'm getting there.

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  5. jdhlax Posted 9:59 am
    21 Jul 2005

    Right On, LisaCalling buyers of shade grown coffee ecochumps was a particularly bad example.  Falling for the legally meaningless term "natural" is one thing, but buying an alternative product that doesn't destroy the rainforest, as consumption of the traditional product does, is NOT being a chump of any kind.  In fact, buying the rainforest-destroying coffee makes you a chump!

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  6. johnfrancis Posted 10:40 am
    21 Jul 2005

    the chumpionsAm in full accord with most assertions and will be sure that my wife reads the article as she tends to be a patsy & somewhat OCD on the topic.

    However, alluding to hemp as possibly suspect is a mistake, except perhaps regarding pricing. Personally, I consider it a miracle plant and wear as much as possible.  It is tragic that our great society cannot overcome its missplaced fears and fully exploit the potential uses of hemp for benefit of mankind, including solution of our oil dependency problem; while at the same time creating capital (and the paper we print it on).

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  7. JoanMM Posted 3:52 pm
    21 Jul 2005

    Chump is as Chump doesThat was the most obnoxious article I have ever read on Grist.  It made me reconsider my subscription (decision pending).  
    I truly appreciate that Grist posts pieces challenging both conventional and unconventional wisdom, but this eco-chump article was just stupid -- and demeaning of people who try to make more environmentally sound buying decisions.
    The fact that the article focused on Doritos as a potential eco-product (what the #$% do you expect of Doritos?!?!?!?) is ridiculous, as is the part of the story about buying bark mulch as a drain cleaner.  Not everyone is so stupid.
    Penrose is right about one thing -- he gives credence to Barnum's saying about one being born every minute, but I think that adage applies more to him than the rest of us eco-chumps out there, even if we do occasionally buy the wrong paper towels.
    The article also showed Penrose knows nothing about how effective the power of consumers who care about the environment can be.  Praising McD's for ditching the styrofoam?  Duh -- that happened ONLY after a very effective grassroots consumer campaign concerned about CFCs and recycling forced Ronald McDonald's hand.
    I have a sense of humor -- really.  Maybe if this article was funnier, or more clever, the point and the attempt at satire (??) would have worked. Alas, it was neither funny nor clever.  Instead, although Penrose claimed not to be discouraging people from trying to buy more ecologically-friendly products, I can't see how it did anything BUT that.

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  8. Stentor Posted 1:34 am
    22 Jul 2005

    huh?What was the point of this article? The author dumped a load of above-it-all nihilistic cynicism on us, then suddenly twisted around at the end for a bit of naive inspirationalism. If he had explained concrete strategies for avoiding being taken advantage of by the "natural" label, and given suggestions (a la Bobbi Katsanas's comment) for reducing the impact of your consumption and making your dollars count more in pushing companies toward green practices, that would be great. Instead we have an article that pointlessly ruffles the feathers of people who try to shop green.

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  9. pfontova Posted 6:23 am
    22 Jul 2005

    What was that about?!What a horrible article and what was the point? Don't be a chump and don't buy organic or eco friendly products? I think I missed something.

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  10. Japhet Posted 7:07 am
    22 Jul 2005

    EnviroPerfectionistIt seems that as concerned world citizens, and ones that are partial to the ecological health of the planet and biosphere, we activists are also perfectionists. It sounds like this piece was written to just some skepticism in the fire. I agree that we need to be weary of what we buy and to be vigilant over what is really considered "organic" or "natural" in someone else's definition. At the same time I agree with those above that we should be more encouraging sensible purchases and people who are at least trying to get it right as opposed to filling them with more repudiation.  Kudos to the writer for having the guts to post such a controversial article but even more kudos to those who have flagged it with coherent argument.

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  11. perifrog Posted 1:37 pm
    22 Jul 2005

    I can't believe the reactionI really can't believe all the anger that came from that article.  Those who make eco purchases are very laudable, those who try to reduce all purchases (and use vinegar, etc) are even more laudable, those who poke fun at the ironic twist that capitalism plays in eco products (the author) are laudable as well.  Those of us who read gristmill are for the most part the choir...readers shop in eco friendly stores and buy eco friendly products.  Don't forget joe schmo consumer out there who prizes his money and feels a little cheated when buying some wonderful organic earth friendly cereal, which has the same amount of packaging and half the cereal as the regular brand but costs double.  As for big corporations providing eco alternatives...its a touchy subject...I highly suggest the movies Supersize me and even more The Corporation.  Even when corporations are "being good" they aren't necessarily truly good.  Its not a cut and dry issue, as most environmental issues aren't.  Walmart, Doritos, and McDonalds have a long way to go, and perhaps can never be completely environmentally friendly.  Remember folks satire or not, that author is more environmentally minded that at least 90% of the population of the US.  

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  12. Biodiversivist's avatar

    Biodiversivist Posted 2:45 pm
    22 Jul 2005

    Great articleIt will make some people think twice, or maybe even once.

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  13. amazingdrx's avatar

    amazingdrx Posted 12:40 am
    23 Jul 2005

    Here's one.Instead of all those expensive "herbal" shampoos and cosmetics, trim a cedar branch or two (from a tree that needs trimming anyway preferably) steam 'em in your sauna or sweatlodge, or stovetop steamer, squeeze the cedar and rub your skin.
    Guaranteed non-chemical, herbal treatment that removes your body odor for a long time (it's the cedar oil, it's anti-bacterial)) and gives you a nice gentle exfoliation that beats any megabucks spa treatment.  

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  14. Syniel Posted 7:11 am
    25 Jul 2005

    Chumpified hereI would prbably fall iunder the "Chump" category.. especially after reading Japhet's link!
    and thanks Bobbi Kat.! i loved the tidbit about the baking soda and vinegar. Wow

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