Mama's Got a Squeeze Box

Umbra on greening your sex life 12

Hey Umbra!

So I'm finally starting up a relationship with a guy as eco-friendly as I am (I'd say eco-freaky, but since I'm writing about sex, I thought it would be overload). However, since neither of us is into polluting, killing animals, or overpopulation, how do we go green in the bedroom? Just what are the ins and outs of eco-friendly safe sex?

Sascha
Portland, Ore.

Dearest Sascha,

Uh. The ins and outs are basically the same. Do you mean the equipment used during the ins and outs? Can that be the opening joke on a family site such as this?

No animals were harmed in the making of this love.

Photo: iStockphoto

Sascha, yours is one of the questions that allow me, periodically, to touch upon the topic of reproduction. To go super-green with another eco-head in the bedroom is to avoid adding to the world's population, and there are only three ways toward that goal: pay careful attention to birth control, eschew intercourse, or be the same sex as your partner. That's it. The environment will be best served by having fewer consumers drawing on its resources in an unsustainable manner. That is, fewer people, but particularly fewer Americans. Sexual safety, in the environmental sense, is mostly about family planning. Children should be wanted, and smaller families are a nice consideration of the burden each human places on the planet. Isn't that tactful of me? As we raise our children, we should think carefully about the messages we send about consumption, the natural environment, personal transport, and personal responsibility. We should raise ethical children anyway, and add an environmental aspect to their ethical conscience.

You may be wondering about birth control and the environment. If so, please read my previous article on the topic, excising my mention of withdrawal as a birth-control technique as you read. What was I thinking? Withdrawal is not a birth-control technique, it's insanity. You should of course be careful about STDs, so perhaps your question is about an ecological condom? Every condom is inherently ecological, and they literally come in green if you so wish. There are even vegan condoms made with cocoa powder in place of milk protein (raising the question of whether the cocoa industry is better than the dairy industry, but let's put that aside for another day).

Perhaps you are mostly wondering about sex toys? Why, we've covered that topic on this very website, which leaves no aspect of an eco-head's life unexamined. The big trouble with sex toys such as dildos and vibrators -- plastic toys -- is the use of vinyl and phthalates in their manufacture. Phthalates are a family of chemicals used to soften plastics, and linked to potential hormonal disruption. Vinyl is our sworn enemy. Our article details the problems faced by sustainably minded sex-toy purveyors, offering some fun solutions -- not only for toys, but also for non-vinyl and non-leather clothing. Well, not really clothing. What do you call cuffs? Partial clothing? Clothing leftovers? Anyway, you were wondering about killing animals, and we thought leather clothing leftovers might be your concern. Turns out nylon is a good substitute in some cases.

I suppose hemp sheets are another must-have if you're going green in the bedroom. Dimming the lights is a suave low-kilowatt maneuver, and if you use candles, please follow my earlier advice on candle shopping. It was my editor who brought up dimming the lights -- you didn't think I forgot my party-girl editor series, did you? -- and her other standby techniques include organic massage oils and a little night music played on old combs. But her final eco-seduction tip is the piece de eco-resistance. Looking for a nice movie to set the mood? Look no further than An Inconvenient Truth. Hot!

Have fun with your new guy.

Encouragingly,
Umbra

 

Yours is to wonder why, hers is to answer (or try). Send your green-living questions to Umbra.

Umbra Fisk is Grist Research Associate II, Hardcover and Periodicals Unit, floors 2B-4B.

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  1. RichardinKRV's avatar

    RichardinKRV Posted 5:09 am
    26 Mar 2007

    On greening your sex life...Since you opened Pandora's Box with this subject matter, I will offer a comment.
    For some kinky folk, a large amount of CRISCO (or other vegetable shortening) is used as a result of some serious recreational SEX.
    With strong soaps, it is washed down the showers or by washing machines in some kinky households.
    I fretted over WHAT this would do to my SEPTIC SYSTEM.
    When I sold that house in the Palm Springs area, one requirement of escrow closing was for a Septic System Maintenance company to come out, open the tank up and pump out the contents, giving the new occupants a 'fresh start' so to speak.
    I was AMAZED to find the tank nearly empty. I'd expected huge 'ice bergs' of coagulated CRISCO to be floating about in a sort of hideous Sargaso Sea. But that was NOT the case. I asked the guys doing the pumping and they said the VEGETABLE FAT is a favorite food of the bacteria in septic systems.
    I imagine that is much the same with sewer systems and treatment plants.
    I guess I should send an E-mail to Proctor & Gamble to add something to their Crisco website...

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  2. Robert Delfs Posted 1:03 pm
    26 Mar 2007

    Daddy never sleeps at night...You really expected to find "ice bergs of CRISCO" in your septic tank, Richard? That may be a bit too much information...
    My real question is why Umbra never explained the title quote from the Who.  Could this have been a punning allusion to something like the squeeze machine(or "Hug box", or the "Hug Chair") systems developed by Temple Grandin? If so, then Umbra would seem to be alluding to auto-eroticism as yet another bedroom strategy for avoiding the risk of adding to the world's population, in addition to the three that she mentions. I guess there's no doubt that it works.   (Note to DR: this has nothing to do with Ferraris. Or Hummers.)

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  3. PDXOutdoors Posted 2:13 am
    27 Mar 2007

    Glass is NiceAs far as dildos, my girlfriend has a beautiful glass dildo that is not toxic at all, and which she says is better than any rubber or plastic one she's come across.  :-)  They're not as fragile as you might think, either.

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  4. bailsout Posted 4:35 am
    27 Mar 2007

    Green sexHats off(or is it pants up) to you for mentioning the birth  control issue and the reduction of consumers as key to solving all of our problems or at least ameliorating them. When will Gore and all those other politicos start acknowledging this step toward a greener planet? Do they dare attack the sacred cow of dependents deductions, etc?

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  5. hatgirlnat Posted 5:55 am
    27 Mar 2007

    Consider the IUD, ladies!I'd just like to give a shout out to IUDs. The IUD involves very little packaging waste, since once it's inserted it stays for five years or more - no monthly supplies to get rid of. No hormones junking up rivers, either - it's just a little squiggly device knockin' around your uterus (IUD = Intra-Uterine Device). It's not too common in the US (we prefer the convenience -insert laugh here- of the Pill), but other than us it's the most popular form of birth control in the world, according to Planned Parenthood. And the kicker: It's super effective, more than 99 percent. I swear I don't work for a company that manufactures IUDs or anything - I've just spent waaaay too much time researching birth control. :P Have a nice day.

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  6. caseyreagan Posted 8:00 am
    31 Mar 2007

    green sexI just wanted to add a few words about the Fertility Awareness Method (no people, this is not the rhythm method of yore) By using this method of self-monitoring, I am able to avoid (most)condom use, artificial homones, invasive procedures and unwanted pregnacy.  It has the added bonuses of getting you more in touch with your female cycle and providing an awareness of your body that can alert you to many female issues.  It is definitely NOT for everyone, but it is worth looking into for those who want another option.

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  7. lovehoney Posted 1:59 am
    28 Apr 2007

    Catch the sun...You could also try a solar-powered sex toy... We've been selling it for a while on LoveHoney, but it hasn't been a big seller for us!

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  8. Earth Erotics Posted 7:33 am
    05 May 2007

    Earth Erotics: An Eco-friendly Sex ShopOne thing to be aware of is that most sex toys are made from polyvinyl chloride (PVC) and softened with phthalates, chemicals widely known to cause cancer, obesity, and fetal reproductive system development problems.   All Earth Erotics sex toys are PVC-free, phthalate free, and non toxic.  We also have a beautiful selection of Glass Dildos blown exclusively for Earth Erotics by a professional glassblower in Portland, Oregon.
    If you are into spanking - Earth Erotics carries some really cool whips and floggers handmade out of recycled innertubes!  Last but not least - save batteries with our most ecofriendly vibrator - the 100% silicone rechargeable Sinnflut!
    Best of luck greening your bedroom.

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  9. danniegrrl Posted 9:20 am
    27 Dec 2007

    might be out of luck,,, but this is good!I agree that adult toys all require energy from some source, but to help relieve that try organic lubricant! It's a good compromise! Like hemp lube!

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  10. Amfora Posted 3:32 am
    11 Jan 2008

    ECO-FRIENDLY TOYSEco-friendly sex is great and conscious deal BUT to my mind it's very expensive.

    Here I can give some examples of eco-friendly              adult toys that even don't need electricity.
    1.Http://www.edenfantasys.com/anal-toy-single/adult-toys-dvds-23397

    2.http://www.edenfantasys.com/dildos/classic-dildos-and-don ...
    As for lubes I'd recommend Sliquid Silk . This   water-based lube is Glycerine and fragrance free, and can be used by just about anyone as it is hypoallergenic .

    http://www.amazon.com/Sliquid-Silk-4-oz/dp/B0006IOT2Q/ref ...

                 

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  11. savweb Posted 1:50 am
    05 Feb 2008

    Sex toys and real sexSex toys are not safe, you can use sex toys on your own risk, i prefer real sex instead of sex toys.

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  12. SassyLover Posted 1:19 pm
    14 Sep 2008

    Safer sexSafe Adult Toys become more and more popular these days. Therefore, manufacturers are offering more toys made of safe materials and disclose more information about materials and its components. I think we are on the way to better quality toys.

    Permalink

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