Don't Get Rattled

Umbra on baby gifts 14

Dear Umbra,

I am expecting my first baby, and I am wondering what would be the most polite way to make sure that people who wish to get it a gift understand that I want only organic, used, or sustainable type products. Most of my family thinks I'm a kooky tree hugger. I think they're still expecting me to grow out of it, and will likely ignore my wishes. Should I just stress the gift receipt, or should I try to make it very clear beforehand?

Jessica Stone
Denver, Colo.

Dearest Jessica,

Congratulations, and try not to worry too much about this problem. The main, big reason you don't need to worry is that people want to buy useful stuff for new babies, so they always ask what is needed. It's not like other gift-giving occasions, when everyone guesses what you want and wishes they knew. In this case, it's polite for gifters to ask parents-to-be and grandparents and shower organizers what the parents want, and it is also polite to be a super-demanding mom. I exaggerate slightly, but the expectation is that you have a list of stuff you want/need, and people are there to help you get it. So you'd have to act like kind of a jerk to come across as rude. Which you won't.

If that's vinyl, I'm going to fill my pants.

Photo: iStockphoto

I think it's worth an effort to get the gifts you want, and then forget about it -- I'm not saying don't try to have an eco-kid, I'm just saying don't exhaust yourself trying to change people's minds. People are going to do what they're going to do, and you are about to have a newborn, so relax while you still can. That said, let's see if I can come up with anything helpful for your effort.

The first step is to know what you want. Look about on the web; there are all sorts of lists of what you'll need (I just found a British one that says you'll need a baby vest with poppers on the bottom -- hee hee). Better yet, ask an experienced parent, since you don't, of course, need everything that the baby industry wishes to convince you to buy. (Reduce, hooray.) Make a preliminary list, and then locate examples of each item that would be acceptable to you environmentally. Add the resultant organic/sustainable/name-brand details to the list, and as people ask you what you want, tell them. I think this is a much better tactic than pretending you don't want anything but asking for the receipt in advance.

If you are going to have any kind of shower thrown on your behalf, register somewhere. If there isn't one place to buy all the stuff you need, make a very detailed copy of the list and give it to your mother (or whichever family member will be approached by extended family and friends) and your closest friends. Write, "I would love used gifts and hand-me-downs" at the bottom. Then when kindly second cousin Millie calls and asks what she can send you, your mom (or ersatz-mom) can say, "Oh, Jessica really wants these organic shmeebles, you know what a kook she is for that tree hugging." You might still get some brightly wrapped boxes of toxic fun, which you can choose to return or donate.

An additional preparatory step you might take is practicing the conversational version of the list. When your immediate family starts asking what you need, or when your buddy starts planning the shower, say what you want in a few brief sentences. Tell them you will want organic/used/sustainable stuff, give them a succinct reason or two why, and thank them (in advance) for helping you raise your child as a kooky tree hugger. Or something to that effect. Have I told you that my mom hugs trees? We'll be on a walk, and she will wander off to literally hug a tree. So you may very well raise another kooky tree hugger, and best of luck to you.

Popperly,
Umbra

 

Yours is to wonder why, hers is to answer (or try). Send your green-living questions to Umbra.

Umbra Fisk is Grist Research Associate II, Hardcover and Periodicals Unit, floors 2B-4B.

Related Stories

Advertisement
Advertisement

  1. Pandu Posted 5:24 am
    11 Apr 2007

    shorter first paragraph:"I don't have any kids and don't know what it's really like."
    Tell people you will only use organic cotton on the baby, and 90% will give polyester soaked in flame-retardant chemicals.  Say, "I want organic cotton pajamas from Hannah-Anderson," and they will only remember "pajamas."  If you give a catalog, they will look at it and remember how expensive everything was and imagine how happy you will be to get a three-pack from Wal-mart instead.
    Say you want only wood toys, and you will get mostly plastic push-button ones that take several batteries.
    Smiling and saying "Thank you" is still required.
    If one person honors your requests, consider it a blessing.  Normally the only way to get what you want is to buy it yourself.  At least that's my experience.  

    Permalink

  2. keichline Posted 5:43 am
    11 Apr 2007

    flushable diapersBeing kooky tree-huggers ourselves, we can totally sympathise with you.  If you haven't heard of them already, we use and love gDiapers (http://www.gdiapers.com).  We found that they are (diaper for diaper) about equivalent in price to cloth diaper service (which we used to subscribe to).  While not quite as absorbant as traditional disposable diapers, they still reduce the fequency of diaper changes (compared to cloth) and thus we saved money on a monthly basis.  Also, the gDiapers have the advantage that they are flushable and therefore don't stink up your bathroom and/or nursery.  The gDiaper web site has a lot of information about the environmental benefits associated with their diapers.  I think they offer gift certificates/shower service - so you might want to add 3-month or 6-month of gDiapers to your wish list.  Good luck.

    Permalink

  3. Melissa176 Posted 7:11 am
    11 Apr 2007

    baby clothes.As a mom myself we buy a lot of cotton, but as a hand spinner I make the sweaters for my sons socks and blankets too. I do a ton of "hand me downs" and you could always "register" baby shower wise with a shop or place that understands your  preferences.

    I myself am designing a new line of all natural baby clothes. the harshest chemical on them will be vinegar, and the colors added to the clothes would be in "stages" just like foods. I will begin with things like wool diaper covers, socks , booties, blankets and hats hoping to expand into sweaters and more within the next year.. but all the items are hand spun from my own sheep, and also hand knitted. so the going is not as fast as I wish. I also dont know about the interest level in the things I want to do.But commentary on availability of these items to moms who hope for more it is a great thread.

    and if we want to get into just how green? my spinning wheel is all powered by me, my wool is dried on my trampoline and washed the first few times in sun warmed water..but as far as the baby line,

     if it wont buy sheep food maybe I need to keep making christmas ornaments and sculpting all wool puppets ..  so hearing that baby items are even wanted is a big big help

    thanks so much ! Melissa176

    .
     

    Permalink

  4. ecochildsplay Posted 8:04 am
    11 Apr 2007

    too many giftsMost new parents do receive too many gifts!  We did!  I think it would be useful to clearly tell people what you want or perhaps set up a donation thing via paypal, so you can buy what you want that may be more expensive (as many eco things are-you gotta pay for sustainability).  One friend of mine put on her baby shower invites that she wanted recycled gifts.  I had Blessing Ways for my children, so the gifts were small in the forms of symbols of strength or a bead or item for a baby mobile.  Also, you may want to think about a way to avoid getting tons of stuff in only one baby size, which is what happens traditionally.  Babies don't need much, and they are not interested in toys for awhile.  One friend told me never to buy toys, as you will be given more than enough from friends and family.  I usally send out email reminders around holidays that we do not want plastic or battery operated toys.  You may be interested in my blog reviewing natural toys and more:  http://www.ecochildsplay.com

    I have also begun writing a weekly post for Green Options called Green Family Values.

    http://www.greenoptions.com/blog/2007/04/11/green_family_ ...

    If you live in a town, I think the best gift to receive is cloth diaper service.  Each person could buy you a month or two.  You will need them for at least two years.

    Permalink

  5. ecochildsplay Posted 8:06 am
    11 Apr 2007

    one more thingI just reread your question....I would make myself clear, otherwise you will be taking a lot of stuff to the Salvation Army.  

    Permalink

  6. Christine Gardner Posted 9:19 am
    11 Apr 2007

    It only gets worseAs the mom of the only two grandchildren my mother will ever have, we have more toys and clothes than a family of 10 would want, or need. You can do your best to express your desire, but sometimes the only thing you can do is make sure all that crap you get gets another home when you're done.

    As far as diapering, it's really a decision best made before the baby arrives. Diaper services and gDiapers seem like good options, but this family has a lot of information on elimination communication (sexy name, right), which seems great if you can make it work.

    Permalink

  7. Delay And Deny's avatar

    Delay And Deny Posted 11:47 am
    11 Apr 2007

    Mom, What's Victoria's Secret?Face it, if you raise you're kid on hemp diapers and juice made from birch bark, the kid will end up craving silk dresses and plastic junk food when she's a teen.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crypto-malthusian

    Permalink

  8. cathschuy Posted 11:48 am
    11 Apr 2007

    be eco-extravagantfirst of all, make it clear that you'll breastfeed the kid and will therefore need none of the paraphernalia associated with bottles.  You would, however, love a breast pump (unless you have a college roommate who owns one who is willing to share -- one breast pump can serve many families if you all space your children handily!)
    Find a website or two with gorgeous slings in all price ranges.  You can survive quite nicely with one sling.  Two or even three -- in different weights and warmths -- would still be better for the environment than one plastic, non-recyclable stroller.  
    And shelters for mamas and babies without anywhere else to call home will usually gladly take all your extra receiving blankets.  I think I got twenty or so and used about three.

    Permalink

  9. kmorse37 Posted 12:14 pm
    11 Apr 2007

    Baby stuffHi. I had a baby about 8 months ago, and I used the website thethingsiwant.com. It allows you to pick various items from other online sources and put them all together in a registry-type list. The only problem I found with it is that people have to make sure they note when they have fulfilled something...it's not automatic.
    Of course, this doesn't help the "used" request. We didn't have a shower and we therefore only got stuff from our family and close friends, so it wasn't all that much and then I could buy everything else used. Actually we got a ton of stuff from friends, so we hardly bought anything new.
    Good luck!
    Karen

    Permalink

  10. jschmit Posted 3:07 pm
    11 Apr 2007

    As a new dadI've learned a lot in the last 7 months.  I highly recommend bottles if you plan on leaving a breast-fed baby in her dad's care.  Once maternity leave ends, breast pumping is key.  Dr. Brown's turned out to be the best bottle we used.
    Great suggestion putting the diaper service on the gift list.
    Our gift list had many lovely eco-products on it and almost no one bought them for us.  We included another registry on Target and that's where most everything came from.  I wasn't a fan of that scheme.  But as with anything, people seem to want to buy a gift object rather than give you money.  I let it go in the end.  The poly-yuk stuffed toys abounded and they were donated to worthy causes.  What can you do.

    Permalink

  11. kel Posted 4:29 pm
    11 Apr 2007

    getting good giftsFor years my mom asked us, "Now what does organic mean again?"  So when my sister wanted only organic, eco-friendly stuff for my nephew, it was tough.  One thing my sister did that really seemed to help my mom understand was explaining that they didn't want him to put plastic and other chemicals in his mouth.  It took a couple years of trial-and-error gift giving, but now my mom has gotten really good about finding gifts they love.  If you're persistant and appreciative people can come around.

    Permalink

  12. holmbere Posted 9:02 pm
    15 Apr 2007

    Eco-registeringI was able to convince most gift-givers for my (now 9-month-old) first baby to stick to my registry, which was as eco-friendly as I could make it.  I used http://www.findgift.com but I have also seen http://www.myregistry.com - this one makes it hard not to have to "answer" whether a gift was purchased.  I tried to make it very clear that hand-me-downs were very welcome, as well (one friend included in the description of each item, "Used or New...").  Some people complained that there wasn't "enough" on the list.  I usually responded that my sister handed down a lot of stuff and I had registered only for what I really needed.  Some people seemed a little sad not to be able to get more for us, but since most of the things I registered for were at websites that only sell eco-friendly stuff, they tended to go beyond the registry with organic cotton onesies and the like.  At the top of my registry page, there was a place to put "my website" and I linked to a past Umbra column about natural/safer nurseries.  I think that helped too.  

    Permalink

  13. Living Simply Posted 1:36 pm
    17 Apr 2007

    Down with the registry, talk to your family!In my experience most people want to spend $20-30 on a baby gift unless they're close family, and organic baby clothes just don't fit in this monetary constraint.  Wooden toys and books, do, however, so that's something you could stress.  My new current favorite new mom book is Someday, illustrated by Peter Reynolds.  People can also write a message to you and/or the baby inside.  Alternately you could ask people to chip in for a few big ticket items, like your favorite baby sling, car seat, or backpack.  Used baby things are very easy to come by on freecycle and craigslist, since by definition babies grow out of baby things.  But people feel funny getting a new mom something used; they want to cherish your leap into motherhood.  You could ask for non-material gifts, like a massage or a cleaning service for your house for the baby's first 6 months.  Also, I highly recommend a subscription to Mothering magazine!

    Permalink

  14. Milagros Posted 12:53 am
    18 Jul 2007

    Check your local storesWe have a children's store in the Portland area, Milagros, and we offer a mix of environmentally-friendly and recycled items for mama and baby as well as cloth diapers and slings. There are other stores in our area that also offer these types of alternatives.
    We have a gift registry at Milagros and I am certain that other stores do this as well. Finding  a local alternative - or an internet alternative- to register at can help point folks on your preferred path for gift items.
    However, as noted in many comments, be ready to just say thank-you and graciously accept any "unexpected" gifts. Responses to our environmentally-friendly or "donate instead of gifts" for any variety of traditional "gifting" occasions have been a little mixed overall.
    As time has gone by and we have maintained our gentle requests, our family and friends seem to mostly support our desires. Of course we still graciously accept every unexpected gift, every gift is coming from the heart after all and that is AlWAYS welcome.    

    Permalink

Add a Comment

You are not logged in. Thus, you cannot post a comment. If you have an account, log in. If you don't have an account, well, by all means go make one! Meet you back here in five.

Hello, Visitor!    Why not register?

Viewed
More
Commented
More
Advertisement