Thursday night, a group of us Grist gals headed out to The Stranger's Valentine's Day Bash -- a yearly purge for Seattle's lovelorn wherein the wronged bring in mementos of their failed relationship and host Dan Savage destroys them on stage in some sick and twisted but totally satisfying way. (Fret not, old boyfriends, I didn't destroy anything of yours ...)
Weapons of choice include a sledgehammer, a power saw, liquid nitrogen, men's urinals, a high-powered blender, and a blowtorch.
But it was not the dude in a pink furry costume nor the trio of women screwed by the same low-life that made the biggest scene last night. It was a Def Leppard album. Actually, a Def Leppard album along with the aforementioned blowtorch. In combination.
Earlier in the evening, Savage had refused to burn items like t-shirts and a stuffed lamb -- "This is from China, probably made of lead and political prisoners," he said, clearly aware of the toxic implications -- but when it came to the vinyl record, it was obvious he had not read any of Umbra's advice on the matter.
And thus erupted a huge black death-cloud that filled the cave-like space. The audience ooh'd and ugh'd. And it smelled horrible, in that chemicals-slowly-eating-away-at-your-nosehairs sort of way, for a good 30 minutes.
I tell you this, dear readers, as a public service. I have witnessed firsthand the ill effects of vinyl. So it's no vinyl, and that's final -- especially if it belongs to your douchebag ex.
Ask Umbra on green moving companies
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Comments View as Flat
caniscandida Posted 7:41 am
16 Feb 2008
yuk!
But he was probably thinking the LP would just melt, not emit a toxic cloud.
Anyway, what was the story with the "dude in the pink furry costume"?
(The story of the "lowlife" who has been around the block probably should remain suppressed.)
Chickens are our cousins! So are fish! So are other sentient animals! Let us learn to be kind.
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wiscidea Posted 9:07 am
16 Feb 2008
Please Recycle
I hope the items in the photograph were sorted -- organic matter for composting, metal bits, porcelain, et cetera -- and sent to the appropriate facilities for recycling. Or is there an exception for perfomance art?
Anyway...
How does one constuct a weapon from a urinal?
What WAS the dude in the pink furry costume doing? Do you have a photo?
And even a rural yahoo knows you are not supposed to toss plastic or vinyl into a burn barrel! You wild city folks aren't so smart afterall. : )
This DOES remind me of the day I burned two old Winter Solstice trees, surrounded by fine brush, for entertainment. (I won't tell whose faces were on the cardboard box we placed on top. Use your imagination.) Fortunately, it was early spring and the 15-foot flames and rain of ashes did not set fire to the house or tall grass nearby. It was very exciting. I've acquired a lot of respect for oxidation and exothermic reactions. And I have to wonder whether it is a good idea to keep a tree full of resin, wrapped in electrical wire, in one's living room for a month each year.
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amazingdrx Posted 1:02 pm
16 Feb 2008
Unvalentine
This whole unvalentine trend is growing. Overthrow Cupid, this evil cherub has caused far too much suffering ...with the help of romantic expectations.
I propose a whole new kind of serial monogamy. Seasonal serial monogamy. One season, fall, spring..what have you, then skip three seasons to date others. Then try another season with the same person.
If children result, no problem, keep up the same schedule. unlike marriage, this might last for a few years.
http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog
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caniscandida Posted 4:15 pm
16 Feb 2008
"punctuated monogamy"?
Surely we on-again/off-again no-no-don't-touch-me/yeah-yeah-touch-me-touch-me-there! primates can figure out something that works.
After all, we have certainly had lots of time to practise this and that ...
Plus, "Saint Valentine" was two Italian gentlemen of the 3rd century, whose stories got confused, and neither of whom had anything to do with billets doux, except that they happened to be martyred mid-February-ish, during the pre-Christian Lupercalia, when guys and girls got to play-act their inclinations in ritualized form.
Chickens are our cousins! So are fish! So are other sentient animals! Let us learn to be kind.
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amazingdrx Posted 1:35 am
17 Feb 2008
Punctual romance
Yes Canis, puctuate it. Somehow the seasons seem to be a good timing device in this respect.
http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog
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Pathos Posted 12:24 pm
18 Feb 2008
Serial monogamy is for punks.
Personally, I'm in favor of getting with pretty much anyone who gets close enough, and not thinking too hard about the consequences...
And oddly enough, there seem to be fewer consequences for all concerned that way.
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caniscandida Posted 1:20 pm
18 Feb 2008
double standards?
You talk a pretty talk, dear Pathos, but then you get all squeamish and delicate when a cougar prowls close.
To shift animal metaphors, What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Chickens are our cousins! So are fish! So are other sentient animals! Let us learn to be kind.
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amazingdrx Posted 1:36 pm
18 Feb 2008
To be fair
Pathos is probably typing from a state prison somewhere Canis. It might be skewing his POV. Hehey.
http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog
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Pathos Posted 5:51 am
19 Feb 2008
Why, yes! I did just drop the soap...
You have to understand, Canis, I have no problem whatsoever with the institution of cougarism (to coin a term that probably didn't actually need to be coined). My issue is with the particular cougars and cougar-wannabes that tend to prowl through the high grass of life stalking for me. The older women that I actually find attractive tend to be either too sensible or too married to waste their time in amorous pursuits with younger generations. It's a sad, sad state of affairs, really.
No, Dr. X, I have a feeling if I were in prison, I would be forced to abandon that philosophy in favor of becoming "someone's bitch"--preferably someone willing to use condoms if I could find a way to smuggle such luxury items in. Because, really, what else does one do in prison, if one is not big enough or proficient enough in unarmed combat to become the "someone" in that expression?
Anyway, that post was meant more as a general position on life than a statement on my particular lifestyle. I know surprisingly few serial monogamists who seem to be happy with the situation, but I know plenty of polyamorists (and people who aren't even particular enough to wear that badge) who seem to thoroughly enjoy life.
On a side note, I probably ought to stop posting when I've been awake for twenty-plus hours. But that has nothing to do with anything.
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amazingdrx Posted 5:55 am
19 Feb 2008
I'll accept that
Good answer pathos... I will raise you this one.
http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog/_archives/2008/2/19/ ...
Ante up!
http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog
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Ashley Braun Posted 8:41 am
19 Feb 2008
Exes, urine in the way of love
To elaborate on the urinal as a weapon:
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Pathos Posted 12:52 pm
19 Feb 2008
I call.
...And now we know. Thank you for that enlightening elaboration, Ashley. If I ever find myself looking for a cathartic way to destroy a possession of an ex's...
Actually, I'll probably find a way involving either a chainsaw, a Weimaraner or an alpaca, just because those seem to be the most destructive implements I have on hand these days.
I wouldn't mind hearing about the guy in the pink furry costume, either.
Dr. X: Comment posted. Just a slight warning, I'm apparently feeling pretty wordy tonight. Hope you were in the mood for a read.
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amazingdrx Posted 3:18 pm
19 Feb 2008
Yep
Great comment Pathos. I'm formulating a reply. Now we are getting somewhere.
Why do men seek money and status and conspicuous consumption? Romance. Who is driving the shallow values that propel this rush to armageddon?
The urinal wielders! Hehey.
http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog
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caniscandida Posted 4:39 pm
19 Feb 2008
living for the moment
Pathos's doctrine of temporalities of the heart is fascinating. How wise, from one so young!
But see, when gay men talk like that, they get chided for immorality. Oh well; hold your head up high, and go out the same door you came in by, says me. (And where young Pathos learned that bit about dropping the soap, I would love to find out -- but never mind.)
As a sort of commentary, here is a cute song from Sondheim's "Into the Woods." The Baker's Wife, married to a notably unheroic Baker, has long had a crush from afar on the Prince. And she happens to run into him in the woods, during the chaotic period when the Giant is on the rampage. So:
Broadways LYRICS - Into The Woods - Any Moment Lyrics
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Anything can happen in the woods.
May I kiss you-?
Any moment we could be crushed.
BAKER'S WIFE
uh-
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Don't feel rushed.
BAKER'S WIFE
This is ridiculous,
What am I doing here?
I'm in the wrong story.
Wait one moment, please, sir! We can't- we can't do this!
You have a princess.
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Well, yes. I do.
BAKER'S WIFE
And I have a... a baker.
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Of course, you're right. How foolish.
Foolishness can happen in the woods.
Once again, please-
Let your hesitations be hushed.
Any moment, big or small,
Is a moment, after all.
Seize the moment, skies may fall
Any moment.
Days are made of moments,
All are worth exploring.
Many kinds of moments-
None is worth ignoring.
All we have are moments,
Memories for storing.
One would be so boring...
BAKER'S WIFE
No, no,no,no!
This is not right!
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
Right and wrong don't matter in the woods,
Only feelings.
Let us meet the moment unblushed.
Life is often so unpleasant-
You must know that, as a peasant-
Best to take the moment present
As a present for the moment.
[... A short period of time passes; then, as they are getting dressed, the Prince continues:]
I must leave you.
BAKER'S WIFE
Why?
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
The Giant.
BAKER'S WIFE
Will we find each other in the woods again?
CINDERELLA'S PRINCE
This was just a moment in the woods.
Our moment,
Shimmering and lovely and sad.
Leave the moment, just be glad
For the moment that we had.
Every moment is of moment
When you're in the woods...
Goodbye.
Chickens are our cousins! So are fish! So are other sentient animals! Let us learn to be kind.
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amazingdrx Posted 5:11 pm
19 Feb 2008
Temporality and morality
Well the reality for romance is about 3 months. After that it is negotiation of the terms of a shared lifestyle. If the income meets the expected standards that is. This is determined by polling a group of her friends.
The male partner shares his income, while the female shares her affection. Except that makes her feel like a whore, so she quickly finds someone else to date. Who is not so controlling and pig like in his behaviour to expect romance between financial unequals.
It's not about the money with the new guy, he's not sexist like the last guy was (is he?)..until 3 months more go by. And so forth, serial monogamy in action.
Next thing you know his shirt is wiping a urinal. Is that about how it goes Ashley?
Please tell us that gay romance is better than this Canis!
http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog
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Pathos Posted 6:16 pm
20 Feb 2008
Remember the bunny suit from A Christmas Story?
Canis: Your esteem would make me blush, if I were more the blushing sort. And I am sorry to hear that you cannot express yourself without being subjected to the slings and arrows of bygone eras; for what it's worth, I expect you will seldom if ever receive such chiding on Grist--and most particularly not on a thread like this one--because, really, would anyone likely to chide anyone for "immorality" be reading this far?
As for the rest... Well, I'm afraid that will have to go the way of the man in the pink furry costume, which is to say, not to be expounded upon in this thread. Maybe next time. :)
Dr. X: Do I detect a hint of bitterness in that post? Just maybe?
I hope you aren't speaking from too much personal experience, my friend. If so, I fear I can only once again recommend the philosophy I espoused above; bona fide sluts (of either sex and any orientation) experience half the drama of serial monogamists, and frequently twice the romance--and no one ever expects them to pay for anything more than a halfway-decent dinner.
Read your response in your blog, enjoyed it. I'll try to add another post to that after I sleep.
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amazingdrx Posted 2:00 am
21 Feb 2008
Bitterness
Right on target. That's the thing to try and avoid Pathos.
My rant is more directed towards the status derived from conspicuous consumption culture we are all of us trapped in. This target deflects the slings and arrows from individuals caught in the urinal of romantic misfortune. Do they deserve more chagrin heaped upon them? Hehey.
I am composing an additional comment too, I think it's a topic worth pursuing. But do my readers appreciate it?
I think so, lots of blog hits on that article. We are ahead of the curve on this one. My feeling is that Sarah was trying to dispell some of the old fart engineer angst so prevalent here lately in Gristmill.
And maybe attract a different demographic, without losing the fart afficted. Mission acomplished.
But she better keep it up. It is our duty Pathos to aid in this mission.
Yes indeed, sluts of the world unite! Throw off the chains of ignoble serial monogamy!
http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog
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