Vanity Unfair

Ask Umbra on license plates 6

Q. Dear Umbra,

Today I obtained a Wisconsin driver’s license and plates, after nearly a year of denying my residency in America’s Dairyland due to my pride in my home state (which has produced gems such as Rod Blagojevich, and his hair). But instead of accepting my olive branch, the DMV issued me license plates reading “365-PVC,” or “three hundred sixty-five days a year, polyvinyl chloride.” Great Odin’s raven—it’s an environmentalist’s nightmare! I suspect that via some elaborate government conspiracy they learned of my treehuggery research (which, ironically, being out of the reach of public transportation, requires me to drive my greenhouse gas-emitting vehicle) and played a prank on me. I hope to demonstrate my displeasure by exacting revenge, but as advice on ecologically responsible prank warfare tactics seems to be missing from the annals of Ask Umbra, I don’t know where to start. Please advise.

Sarah R.
Madison, Wisc.

A. Dearest Sarah,

license plateSo many possibilities.McHenry County BlogHeavens to Murgatroyd. There must have been a terrible mixup in the prison’s license plate factory, and the DMV mistakenly sent you the vanity plates for the American Plastics Council’s company car. Too much cheese on the brain, that’s what causes these strange bureaucratic problems. And because it is likely a bureaucratic issue, a prank is not the answer. No ma’am, bureaucrats do not like pranks, except perhaps intra-bureaucratic pranks, which are complicated and beyond our ken.

Alas, it is not legal to obscure a license plate by dirt or other objects (Wisconsin statute 0341.15). You need to get a new license plate. It may be that you can simply complain and exchange this strange plastics-loving plate, paying a small fee and receiving a random plate. If this is not feasible, your choices are to leave Wisconsin and try your DMV luck in some new place of residence, or to order special plates from the WI DMV.

The most well known special plate is the personalized or “vanity” license plate. The vanity plate will not only solve your PVC problem but offer a chance for retribution in the form of “MS ECO” or “EARTH 1” or “NO PVC” or something actually clever. It does have a yearly fee, in your state $15.

The one-two solution, however, is a vanity conservation plate. Mayhap you know of these conservation plates, available in many if not all U.S. states. The car owner pays an additional fee for said plate, and a portion of said fee goes toward the supporting organization. In Wisconsin, you have the option of a Ducks Unlimited or Endangered Resources license plate. Either will cost you an extra $25 per year. I couldn’t find out how many dollars actually went to DU or the Endangered Resource program of Wisconsin—the descriptions make it sound as if all $25 goes to them, but in other states, similar programs receive about $12 to $14 of the total fee. The conservation plate comes with a little illustration inspired by nature (wolf in front of moon, duck with other ducks, etc) so that even if your plate is not a vanity, all will know of your nature-lovin’ nature.

Best of luck resolving this vexing issue.

Pressingly,
Umbra

 

Yours is to wonder why, hers is to answer (or try). Send your green-living questions to Umbra.

Umbra Fisk is Grist Research Associate II, Hardcover and Periodicals Unit, floors 2B-4B.

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  1. hawaiifalvo's avatar

    hawaiifalvo Posted 6:21 am
    08 Jun 2009

    You think a duck or a wolf on your license plate makes you green? Get real. Ditch the car and really make a difference."365 PVC" is an appropriate license plate -- it reminds us of all the PVCs and nasties that are in the car, 365 days a year. Even better would be "365 GHG" or "365 CO2" !

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  2. Sara Barz's avatar

    Sara Barz Posted 11:10 am
    08 Jun 2009

    I think you just keep the license plate, if only for irony's sake.  Anyone who knows you won't consider your license plate as an indictment of your green cred., and most other drivers won't get the significance. Consider it fate's way of letting you lead a small ironic protest everyday -- like billionaires for Bush but in a less flashy, more-DMV style.

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  3. Ann D Posted 1:43 pm
    08 Jun 2009

    Dear Umbra.Your comment regarding the "ducks Limited" vanity plates offered by Wisconsin is half-right:While that organization has saved land for duck migration, the reason they have done this is because they are a duck HUNTING organization,so they save duck habitat so that they have lots of ducks to shoot!Ann D

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    1. ringelmann5 Posted 6:35 am
      09 Jun 2009

      D.U. (not Depleted Uranium) is responsible for the acquisition and preservation of wetlands, for which the greenies should be thankful, just as the efforts of Trout Unlimited have been responsible for the preservation of clean running water.  In fact the proceeds from sporting licenses are major contributors to the acquisition and preservation of wildlife habitat.Yesterday I witnessed the family cat with a captured chipmunk, engaging in kitty play with the mortally injured creature until losing interest when it no longer had the life energy to respond to being repeatedly batted around and pursued.  Stark contrast to the quick death experienced by the shotgun harvested duck.  The duck hunter at least puts the duck on the dinner table.Like it or not, we all have a place on the food chain.  You might care to discuss the subject with a hungry bear while unarmed.
      my 2¢

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  4. Wrightsfd Posted 3:37 pm
    08 Jun 2009

    HawaiiFalvo; It is still necessary in many areas to drive a car, Wisconsin especially. If everyone lived in cities with good public transportation or things nearby there would be nobody to grow the crops or manufacture the products you use daily like toilet paper, kitchenware, and chairs. These things generally don't come from cities and people HAVE to drove to get to work in rural areas, biking is not an option for many of them, period. Idealism is great, but solves nothing.

    Sarah: You live in Madison, which is the number one most bicycle friendly city in the midwest so I hope you use your bike to get around most of the time. As far as putting environmental plates on your car please use discretion as I see many folks putting eco plates on Hummers who just don't understand. If you drove a big Jeep Cherokee or some other SUV I hope you just keep the plate you have and feel confident that the message your plate sends is much quieter than the message your vehicle sends. If you are a more typical Madisonite driving a 30 year old veggie oil Mercedes then your plate needs to go!

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    1. hawaiifalvo's avatar

      hawaiifalvo Posted 2:03 pm
      09 Jun 2009

      Wrightsfd, I live in the sub-arctic, and my job takes me to tiny communities above the Arctic Circle (even farther North than Wisconsin ... :) so I know about lack of public transportation, and needing a car (or snow machine!) to get around. I also know about chairs, toilet paper and kitchenware. You read Grist and Umbra. So, you are obviously good people. And if you or Sarah are one of those people who absoutely needs to burn gas in order to make products so essential to humanity, then you have my appologies -- and my gratitude!But, we both know that a lot of car trips are not made in support of the production of essential goods and food, and a lot of car trips are made in situations where public transit, cycling or walking are not only possible -- but healthy and cost-effective alternatives. (To say nothing about our consumption of manufactured goods that are not essential).For every rural Wisonsite who desperately needs her car so she can bring important manufactured goods into the world, I am sure we will find a city slicker out for a land cruise, or heading to Bonzo Burger's drive-thru, or Timmy's for coffee in a paper cup. [And let's not knock city folk - their high density living means their eco-footprint is that much lower than folks in low density environments, at least in terms of space and often transport]. So let's not trot out that old argument unless it actually applies.We also know about climate change, and the tremendous impact it is already starting to have. Here in the sub-arctic we are witnessing it first hand, including its effects on traditional lifestyles. Personal transport is responsible for a lot of that. Fighting climate change -- you can call it idealism. A lot of us call it survival.Want to make a positive difference? How often you drive -- and whether or not you drive matters much more than what your plate says -- and whether DU got $12 from it!

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