Papa, Can you PR Me?

World’s first eco-article about “world’s first” eco-items 3

Part of my job is to keep an eye on developments in the illustrious world of green living. Sometimes it’s celebrities writing letters about which electric vehicles they actually own. And sometimes it’s product news. And boy is there a lot of product news lately: the “world’s first” eco-this and “world’s first” eco-that. Which reminds me of a story I’ve been meaning to tell ...

number oneWorld’s first eco-caption.When I woke up this morning, fresh from a night on the World’s First All-Natural, Biodegradable Sleep System, I really wanted to get some exercise in before work. So I unrolled my World’s First Self-Guiding, Eco-Friendly Stretch Mat for Golf, Yoga, Pilates, Maternity, and More—endorsed by Paula Abdul!—and went to it. All those sun salutations made me sweaty, so I was extra-glad that I’d turned on the First Eco-Friendly Mini-Dehumidifier. When I finished, I was so dehumidified I hardly even needed a shower! But I did still need a change of clothes, so I pulled on some jeans and the First Carbon-Neutral Recycled-Cotton T-Shirt. There, that felt better. Popped a piece of the World’s First Biodegradable Chewing Gum, and I was good to go.

It was time for work, so I hopped in the car and fired up the World’s First “EcoNav” GPS. It’s not that I don’t know my way to the office, but I was planning a detour: a stop at the Nation’s First Full-Service, Eco-Friendly Car Wash. While the brushes and sponges worked their magic, I pulled out my World’s First Carbon-Neutral Phone and made a quick call. I was hoping my friend could meet me for lunch, but she had other plans. It wouldn’t be like me to divulge someone else’s secrets, but let’s just say she had another companion for the day: the World’s First “Green” Hair Bleach. That bleach!

Lunch-dateless, I made my way to work. Where, if you can believe it, my boss still makes us use typewriters occasionally. Luckily I keep the First and Only Biodegradable Correction Tape handy. Because the sooner I get done hunting and pecking, the sooner I can hop on the World’s First Biodegradable PC. And from there ... the world is my oyster. Today I decided to visit the World’s First Eco-Friendly Entertainment Auction Platform—because who doesn’t “like to shop, pay next to nothing, enjoy bargains, like to have fun, while engaging in suspense driven auctions”?! After that I spent a little time ordering wedding supplies. Not that I’m getting married or anything, but I know people are going to be snapping up the First Green and Carbon-Neutral Wedding Stationery Line and World’s First Archival, Eco-Friendly Wedding Albums. Really, I do.

Shopping was fun, but as the hours dragged on, I kept checking the World’s First Eco-Friendly Timepiece. Five o’clock couldn’t come soon enough. When I finally got home, I poured myself a bit of the World’s First Eco-Luxury Vodka and flipped on the World’s First Organic LED TV. How I wished I lived in London or New York so I could go to the World’s First Eco-Club or the World’s First Eco-Friendly Club. What would I do instead? Well ... if your answer involved the World’s First 100% Eco-Friendly Wind-Up Sex Toy, it wouldn’t be the World’s Worst Guess.

 

 

Katharine Wroth is a senior editor at Grist.

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  1. GivingIsGetting Posted 8:44 am
    14 May 2009

    I always thought that calling any product eco "friendly" is like calling the school bully a great guy just because he took the day off and didn't beat the crap out of you last Tuesday afternoon....one day off does not a friend make.just can't figure out a way to make something "friendly" that is extracting natural resources....how about "friendlier" or "a little better than the other crap out there" or maybe....?

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  2. Greengift Posted 9:20 am
    17 May 2009

    Growing a TickleMe Plant and watching the leaves instantly close and branches droop when Tickled was a first for me! I hope you can share this green experience with others. I recieved the TickleMe Plant Greenhouse as a gift. At first I thought it was a joke, I mean I never heard of a plant that MOVED when you tickled it! As I read more about it on the website http://www.ticklemeplant.com and saw the video, i became a TickleMe Plant believer and couldn't wait till grow my own. In just days the seeds sprouted. The first leaves closed only at night as in said in the instructions. A few weeks later more leaves appeared from the center of the plant. I tickled the leaves and to my amazement the closed right up! I will never forget that experience and I now call it my "Pet" TickleMe Plant as it is so interactive.This is a must see must grow plant for all I love my TickleMe Plant

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  3. bethyp Posted 3:34 pm
    20 May 2009

    Haha!  I loved this!  Thanks for expressing how I've been feeling...slap "eco" on something and suddenly it's cool to buy/use/talk about.  What about the original "eco"-activities and things that were more in line with frugality and conservation?  Reusing your crap til it really doesn't work, finding new uses for things around the house?  I just created a garden in my yard completely from salvaged stuff found buried in the ivy...does that make it the first "eco-garden"?  Or just a garden like the one my grandma used to have...

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