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Ask Umbra

Everything Auld is New Again

On New Year's resolutions

By Umbra Fisk
03 Jan 2007
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Got questions about the environment? Ask Umbra.
Got questions about the environment? Ask Umbra.
Dearest Readers,

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2007. Who knows what it will hold for us all. I hope you have a few parts of your year planned and have resolved to leave the rest up to chance, fate, and short-term impulses.

As has become my tradition, I shall start the year with a few resolutions of my own. I just revisited my 2006 Grist resolution, which -- as part of a strange condom-related commentary on reducing personal climate emissions -- was "to be less self-absorbed for at least part of 2006."

None of you wrote word one about how pathetic that was. You are kind persons. I have a dim memory that I was behind deadline and couldn't think of anything better. I'm behind deadline now, by the way.

Photo: iStockphoto
In that same New Year's column, I as good as promised to make a quiz soon, but then I became so self-absorbed for 2006 that not a single quiz did I offer you. Oh, and I can't go over all the funny questions you wrote, like I did last year, because I had a terrible accident during the move to our new office. Yes, while carrying my computer down the block, I tripped over a Hummer and toppled down, and half my emails fell out of my computer into a sewer drain. I tried to fish them out with a coat hanger, to no avail. So all those ridiculously delicious emails from Dearest Readers washed away into Puget Sound. How ironic.

I did manage to follow through on some of my plans last year, despite my irresolute temperament and unresolved vows. I focused Ask Umbra on global climate change for a while before devolving back to kayaks and travel mugs.

And strangely, my personal climate emissions were bettered through complete happenstance. A year ago, I had a possession that was an embarrassment to an eco-advice columnist: a low-mileage gasoline vehicle. I was slowly getting around to doing something about it. Then -- get this -- it was stolen and driven into a tree by people who were either high or driving with their eyes shut. Completely totaled. I was not at fault, insurance covered me, and now I have a better car. Is that the greatest bad luck ever? What does it mean, if theft was one of the best emissions-reduction techniques I experienced this year? I may be too far behind deadline to produce a Deep Thought, but it seems to relate to my little opening wishes for us all: May our lives become a good mix of planning and happy happenstance.

In light of this potential Deep Thought, what to resolve for 2007? Let's go with More of the Same! Yes! I'd like to be less self-absorbed, again -- shaggy car story notwithstanding -- and make some quizzes for us all, and reduce my climate emissions, and write a nice mix of columns about Eco-Armageddon and shopping trifles.

I'll try not to let the ridiculous Dearest Reader letters fall down the drain again, though. A lost occasion for mirth is double sadness.

Happy New Year!
Umbra

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Yours is to wonder why, hers is to answer (or try). Please send Umbra any nagging question pertaining to the environment -- but first check out her FAQs!
The claims made in this column may not reflect the views of this magazine. Neither the magazine nor the author guarantees that any advice contained in this column is wise or safe. Please use this column at your own risk.
Umbra Fisk is Grist Research Associate II, Hardcover and Periodicals Unit, floors 2B-4B.
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pathos and irony

Umbra, be of good cheer.  You are the last person whom I would ever accuse of being "self-absorbed."  (A curious image: becoming one's own sponge?)

In principle, the quiz idea does not sound absolutely brilliant.  But if you are inspired to make of it a true vehicle of edification, then carry on, and no doubt we shall be in your debt.

I had never thought of trying to retrieve lost e-mails with a coat hanger; thanks for the tip.  Presumably the salmon and the orcas got some pleasure out of the ones that got away from you.

Chickens deserve our true friendship! So do fish! So do other sentient beings! Let us learn to be kind.

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